I met my husband to be shortly after he returned home
from a mission to the Philippines. We married in the
Provo Temple and shortly after that moved to Spokane,
Washington. While we lived there, we had two boys and
adopted a third. In our neighborhood, we had three
different pastors of three different churches. I was
always suspicious of them, because I thought they might
"indoctrinate" me. Also because I was always told that
they were preaching because of the money ... that was
their "profession" so to speak. Also, as a temple
believing Mormon, I was taught that they preached the
philosophies of men ... mingled with scripture and were
actually in cahoots with Satan but were too dumb to know
it. (Yes, prior to 1990 they actually taught these kinds
of concepts in their revered temples.) Also because in
the Book of Mormon in 1 Nephi 14:10-11 it calls all
churches other than the church of the lamb of God (the
LDS church) "… the whore of all the earth." I believed
that protestant religion was all corrupt, so naturally I
was suspicious of their ministers. On the other hand ...
the church wanted everyone to believe that they too were
Christian. It was confusing to me. I felt that I had the
"only true church" and they only had parts of the truth.
When my boys got old enough to want to play with the
neighbor kids I felt this conflict within. I wanted them
to have "good" playmates and well supervised activities.
The LDS families in our neighborhood had kids near the
same ages as my own, but their kids were awful! I
reasoned within myself that "If we were Christian, and
they were Christian ... but only had part of the truth,
I would be smart enough to see their error." Also, we
were encouraged by the LDS church to become involved
with the community so that we could meet potential
converts. If I were to only have LDS friends and
associates, I would never have the opportunity to be a
member missionary. So, I began to reach out, both into
my community and to my neighborhood. None of the pastors
or their wives tried to convert me to their church or
religion. However, it was because of their examples that
I began to hunger for this relationship that they had
with Jesus. It was apparent in the way that they would
pray, that they could talk to God as if He would listen.
They also believed that He would answer their prayers
and it was not predicated on their worthiness. This
stumped me many times, and I would have to go home and
think about this. My friend and pastor's wife, Cheryl,
would often say "Praise Jesus." As a Mormon, I would
think, "How irreverent." Doesn't she know that she
shouldn't use Jesus name like that? On the other hand, I
would go home and think, "Wow ... she was giving Jesus
the praise that He was due, for the miracle He just
did." It was confusing to me at times.
It would be because of circumstances like this that
would cause me to think. Another friend named Cheryl
(different from the pastor's wife) invited me to her
house for "tea." She was trying to educate me on the
problems of Mormonism. Then I thought she was bashing my
religion. It kind of bothered me because she was doing
this, but I also thought it was because she cared about
me and my soul that she brought it up. At the end of our
conversation, I asked her what her church said I had to
do in order to gain salvation. She said that a person
needed to believe in Jesus. Well ... I believed in
Jesus. She said that they needed to trust in Him ...
again, I thought I trusted in Him. She got a little
frustrated and said ...You've got to have a relationship
with Him. BINGO ... I knew I didn't have that
relationship. I paid my tithing, went to church
faithfully, supported my husband in his priesthood, had
children, went to the temple, read my Mormon scriptures,
had family home evening, in essence ... I did everything
that was expected of me. And yet ... I knew I didn't
have a relationship with Jesus.
I went home more determined than ever to gain this
relationship. I threw myself into my efforts in the
church. I prepared my lessons weeks in advance for any
calling that I had. I would read and pray more than
ever. I took on more callings, even more visiting
teaching. One of the other pastors wives, Nancy,
introduced me to Christian music. I didn't know what it
was called then, but later learned that it was "Praise
and Worship" music. I fell in love with it the first
time I heard it. I would listen to it during the day,
and turn it off before my husband would come home. I
wasn't exactly sure how to explain it to him. Once I
decided that I wanted to share it with him, I used the
13th article of faith to show him it was okay to listen
to. At first, he seemed taken back by it. Then when I
quoted the 13th article of faith to him, he couldn't say
much against it. What I didn't know was that he was
listening to Michael W. Smith at work. He also had some
born again Christians that he worked with that was
sharing music with him. All of these people were praying
for us, we learned later. Eventually, we bought more
Christian music. One artist had more of an impact on us
than any other. That was Michael Card. His music wasn't
just "good" lyrics put to music, he would sing bible
stories. He had a way of making them come to life. It
would make us go to our bible and read about the stories
that he sang about.
We eventually moved from Spokane to the Seattle area.
While we were there, we started in a regular ward, and
then later helped to start a deaf branch in the
Lynnwood, Washington Stake. I was so busy that year with
the branch that I had little time for much else. This is
when I started to memorize the endowment ceremony for
the deaf/blind. While I would be reading parts of the
endowment, I would see things in it that really bothered
me. The part where Lucifer is asked about his clothing
and he explains that he is wearing an apron that
represents his power and priesthoods. Shortly after he
says that, he tells Adam and Eve to make themselves an
apron and then we all put one on. It is exactly like
Lucifer's, except ours was green and his was black. I
began to have questions about the whole ceremony.
My husband was working just as hard in the branch as I
was. We each had 3 or 4 callings in the branch as well
as caring for our children. It was easy to get burned
out. During this time, we each started to wonder about
God and if this was what he meant in the temple where he
made us covenant to give everything to the building up
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. One
day, while we were walking our dog at night, I asked my
husband if he ever really felt that he was "worthy"
enough to go to the Celestial kingdom. He laughed,
because he was about to ask me the same question and I
beat him to it. He said no and then asked me if I did. I
told him that I didn't think anyone was capable. We
decided that we would quit going to the deaf branch and
start attending the ward again. We thought that maybe
the stress of going to the branch was just too much. We
were both hungering for Jesus. We wanted to learn about
him. I remember my husband telling me that he decided to
read the bible, because the people that wrote it, knew
Jesus in person. They would tell the stories about His
life that he wanted to hear.
The last Sunday we ever went to the LDS church was the
Sunday before Christmas. I wanted to hear about the
birth of Jesus. I was so excited to go and learn about
Him. Instead, they had a typical "tithing settlement"
talk. It was so disappointing to me. I could never
understand why they would give a big talk on tithing
settlement at the end of the year. If people hadn't paid
a full tithe, it was too late by the end of the year! It
would have been impossible for most people to make it up
by then. Anyway ... I was so upset, that I went home and
phoned a friend that was not LDS. I repeated the whole
talk to her and she said...."You are mad, because you
can't buy God's blessings. You are also mad, because you
can't buy His love." This was exactly what I was
feeling. Funny thing is, this particular friend was an
atheist.
After leaving the church, I had many emotions to work
through ... anger, fear, sorrow, betrayal, and finally
... unspeakable joy. At first, I was afraid that I was
walking away from God. I can't begin to describe how
that felt. Then, as I opened my mind and began to read,
I learned about the lies and deception of the LDS
church. This brought anger and betrayal. As I began to
talk about these discrepancies to LDS people, they would
discount the information and tell me that the problem
wasn't the church, but it was me. I was flawed, never
had a testimony, if I did have one it was weak. I wasn't
praying, reading my Mormon scriptures, I was back biting
the leaders of the church, listening to the enemy ...
whatever. This is what they felt lead me out of the
church. Not one of them, had actually read the church
history. This brought feelings of sorrow. Family members
would also turn away from us. The good news is that God
did not abandon me. Through Christians that He brought
into my life, He showed me that His way was different
than the LDS way. He showed me His grace and love for me
personally. I found Him in the bible. I learned about
Him through bible studies. Yes, I lost a lot by leaving
the LDS church, but I've gained more. The relationship I
so desperately wanted for years was finally gained, not
through religion but by placing my faith in Him. In His
finished work on the cross. He didn't die for me because
I was GOOD ... He died for me because I was BAD. He
loved me enough to die for me ... even when I was bad.
It took me years to learn, that this is what it means to
have a "relationship" with Jesus. I praise God everyday
that He chose me, with all my flaws. I love Him even
more because He also brought my husband and children out
of the grips of the LDS church as well.
I hope that this story has given you encouragement. If
you have a friend or loved one in the LDS church, there
is hope. His name is Jesus. Pray to Him, and let Him
guide your loved ones out. I'm convinced that Jesus
intervened on our behalf, because of our praying
Christian friends.
In Christ's love,
Tricia
Exmo4Jesus@aol.com