I held positions in the church from the time I was
16. I have been a secretary in organizations, spiritual
living and social relations teacher in Relief Society,
Beehive teacher and President in the YW, taught primary,
taught genealogy and worked in the stake genealogy
library as a calling, been a PR rep. and other callings.
At 26 I was married, 34 went to the temple and took out
my endowments, and at 35 had a child. At 42 I held a
temple recommend and was an active member of the church
in good standing.
I had a friend and her husband who left the church. I
was concerned and told them I loved them no matter what
their choice. They asked if I wanted to know why. I said
sure and went over and listened to them. My friend
presented a lot of historical information from the
Journal of Discourses. Most of it was not new to me
but it was to her.
The next day her husband told me about the same thing as
I felt. He told me he left for another reason and would
share it some time if I was interested. I said sure.
Later, knowing the kind of information I enjoyed
reading, he told me he had a book about old scripture
and would I like to read it. I said definitely. He said
it showed the Book of Abraham was not true. I said that
was okay, I would enjoy reading it.
After a couple of weeks he gave me the book to read:
By His Own Hand Upon Papyri
by Charles Larson. I started reading it that day,
Monday. Thursday, I called the publisher and talked with
him. As I talked to him and started hearing what I was
really saying, I realized I was in denial. Saturday I
went to the temple to pray about my feelings about the
church. That afternoon I went over to my friends' house
and asked them questions: Do you talk about the temple?
Have you taken your temple garments off?, If the church
is not true, then what is?, etc. My mind was swimming.
Sunday I went to church and sat with my son on my lap
and the tears running down my face. It felt empty for me
– the church, my feeling about it, everything about it.
Monday a friend of this woman called and talked to me.
We talked for 3 hours. She was an ex-mormon and
Christian. I got up, took off my temple cloths and went
shopping for regular underwear.
Later on I tried to go back to just see what it would
feel like to be there and know it was not true. I could
hear the Primary singing: "Follow the Prophet". I walked
out and have never looked back.
The cost of leaving the church has been high. I am
happier and free. However, I have also been disowned by
my family. I lost my job over leaving. I spent 9 months
in therapy and using anti-depressants because I ended up
with post-traumatic shock syndrome with major
depression. I lost my friends, my beliefs, my
understanding of who I was and what I believed. I had to
start over and re-evaluate ALL my beliefs and determine
who I really was.
I am not sorry for one minute for leaving. If I had it
to do over, I would do it again! I have come away
knowing the church is not true. That by scholastic
standards the Mormon church is a destructive cult, and I
am better off without it!
— Sandra